Human connection is essential to survive but falling in love with solitude is just as romantic.
Related: Lowkey Love: Celebs Married In Intimate Pandemic Weddings
“No man is an island”–arguably the most famous poem of John Donne that’s quoted today. Resonating with many for the main reason that we all long for companionship. It argued that we can never have enough of our neighbors’ pain for being aware of it makes us stronger. This makes human connection not only an exchange of information but, an exchange of humanity that makes us intrinsically needing it in our lives to thrive.
Personally, I fall in the in-between of this notion and no, it’s not because my astrology sign is a Libra, but because I’ve grown content in my self-reliance. Friends who know me personally, know that I’m the type who takes hours to reply or someone who prefers to meet up than talking it over through text. Even my partner of five years is not an exception to this. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy socializing and I’m always up to getting dragged to a party, but at the end of the night, I prefer going home to my island just the way it is– quiet and isolated. Then the pandemic hit and surprisingly, it seemed like connecting with people took more time and energy than before.
LIKE-MINDED MINDS
From spending all day on the computer for work and the constant anxiety brought by our distraught country, virtual hangouts with friends felt more taxing than relaxing as the months go by. Luckily, I have a long-standing group chat with my five best friends who are pretty much my lifeline. During one of our group calls, we revealed how many people we talk to daily, all of us raised our hands to two to three individuals or groups. Despite one being in Spain, another in California, and the other three just a few cities away, we all have the same bandwidth when it comes to keeping in touch.
Our shared experience of mental and emotional fatigue also came with a mutual understanding of our different priorities. “Why should one expect others to give the same energy when one can’t give in the first place,” we concluded. I remember messaging our chat that night after our virtual hangout, sarcastically congratulating us that we had two zoom calls in a month, which my friend replied, “let’s not push it please,” and we all laughed and agreed.
LOCKDOWN LOVE
For our Creative Director Jann Pascua, navigating the dating scene pre-pandemic already posed a level of difficulty with his busy schedule. “I really needed to carve out some time to get to know a person. Not that it’s any different from the situation today, however, there is a more rigorous process in narrowing down your options within the dating pool,” he says. The ‘getting-to-know you’ stage in dating requires a great deal of attention but nowadays, the list of our ideal type doesn’t only include being tall and handsome anymore. Testing our relationships like never before, we have to weed out toxic people who don’t take the virus seriously, red flags appear due to political differences, and to check if one is willing to put in the constant effort to take tests or go through quarantine for a physical meet-up. “I’d much rather be meticulous and filter through my options when considering someone as a potential date or partner so that both are not wasting any time and effort,” he admits. “As unromantic as that sounds, it’s like going through job applications.”
Nonetheless, the pandemic is a true test of patience and trust, and if a budding romance can survive against a backdrop of a troubling time, then the struggle may be real but it will be worth it. “The point of getting into a relationship, for me now, is finding someone that can be a source of light, comfort, and strength as you are willing to provide the same for them–and not put yourself to risk and harm just for the sake of having someone,” Pascua shares and above all he says, unraveling one’s love language is the silver lining of dating in the pandemic. “Know your worth first so that you can allow somebody just as worthy to walk into your life and possibly sweep you off your feet.”
GOING THE DISTANCE
Long-distance relationships are already known to be hard. For those who already found themselves within a relationship before the mandated self-isolation, we are now forced to deal with the same struggles even if our partners are just within driving distance. I talked to Jeb Fronda, our Fashion Editor who shares that the key to surviving an LDR is “communication and comprehension of each other’s needs and wants.”
“And it is only in that understanding and respect can you adjust your needs, expectations, and what you can ultimately provide for an effective long-term relationship.” Much of our energies are focused on how to best deal with the very unfamiliar experiences we are faced with but keeping the spark alive doesn’t necessarily need a grand gesture.
“Giving each other gifts! May it be new sheets, pizza, or a tasteful nude, we were able to transform our need for touch to gift-giving,” Fronda shares how these little efforts enabled them to adjust their love language throughout the pandemic. While there is no erasing the fact that there will be times of doubt that are extremely common these days, the experience of a quarantine LDR can result in a high-quality connection between couples. “I do think that it’s gotten stronger because we are used to being apart more than being together which makes it sweeter when we do see each other again.”
In an increasingly isolated and digitally engaged world, we all need a real connection now more than ever. Some may find it within another individual, but there is also no shame in finding it within ourselves. Don’t confuse your free time with availability and be honest with your partners about your emotional, mental, and physical limitations at this time. Call it self-preservation but it’s a personal boundary that can help us survive until we experience the most priceless connection of all–getting to reunite with our loved ones again.
The post How Solitude Became A New Love Language During The Pandemic appeared first on MEGA.
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