To my friends, I still care for you even if you don’t hear from me for a long time.
When my friends and I were still in college, we always found time to go out and explore the city despite the piles of school work. We told ourselves that we will go somewhere new or somewhere far together when we graduated and started earning our own money from our first jobs. Contrary to those plans, we don’t really meet much after we graduated. To be honest, we all spiraled down into the black hole of adulthood and the unfolding of challenges and responsibilities that never seem to end. So my friends and I rarely have time for each other. It would take several months before our schedules would successfully align and meet again.
These days, we’re not only busy in our respective careers, but there’s also a pandemic we have to think about. I would admit I feel a sense of regret and guilt that I should made myself available before if only I knew meeting them would be so hard now. I fear that we will eventually grow apart. Although, just recently, I stumbled upon a new internet term called “low maintenance friendships.”
There’s no exact definition of low maintenance friendship, it’s not even a psychological or sociological term. Most of the time it’s described as the kind of friendship that doesn’t require constant texting, conversation, or hanging out. Low maintenance friends don’t have to see each other often because they are all busy doing their own things, but when they do meet, it’s like no time has passed.
I remember sharing a tweet about this, and some of my friends also retweeted it. Knowing this term gives me a lot of comfort that what I have with my friends are normal, and I think they feel the same way too. Here are some of the things having low maintenance friendships taught me.
Unconditional love
Low maintenance friendships prove that you don’t have to be updated in each other’s lives all the time, but still support each other. This kind of friendship can surpass the test of time.
There’s an unconditional love in this friendship because they understand that you have your own life to live just like them. Even if you don’t see each other all the time, that’s okay.
More time for yourself
When you’re in a low maintenance friendship, you have more time for yourself. There is no pressure in this kind of friendship. You don’t have to try to always do things together.
These friends understand and value your boundaries and your own pace. It lifts a huge burden when your friends understand that each one of you don’t have to be “belong” all the time.
Not easily offended
Low maintenance friends don’t get easily offended, they just accept you for who you are. They understand that a group of friends is composed of different personalities, backgrounds and dreams.
They don’t get jealous of each other’s success or new set of friends because for them it’s a sign of growth and that’s part of life.
The time with them is extra special
Since you don’t always see each other, nothing is random nor superficial. Everything that you do with them seems to be done just at the right time.
The times that you spend with one another always make your day. It is like a breather after a few stressful months at work.
You can only give what you have
At the end of the day, we are only human and we can’t be everything to somebody even to our closest friends. In return, I must also understand that my friends also want a time for themselves. Although, low maintenance friendship doesn’t equal to apathy towards your friends, but to be there when you can and to only give what you have.
How can we be the best kind of friends when we are also running empty of energy and encouragements? At the end of the day, a friend is someone who understands you, and if they don’t, they try to.
Related:
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Shay Mitchell on Managing Toxic Friendships and Using Social Media Responsibly
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Here’s What I Learned While Living Abroad
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